How to handle a bossy and controlling mother-in-law


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Mother in Law

A girl can choose her boyfriend, but anything that comes from her boyfriend can’t be chosen. The same thing works for mothers as well. You cannot choose your boyfriend’s mother or your partner’s mother. Your mother-in-law could be of any type. She could be sweet, considerate, lovely and understanding. But, when her son gets married, she gets a status of responsibility and she tends to protect her son. Well, though you love your partner, your mother-in-law will not let you take the entire responsibility when it comes to her son. This isn’t about her insecurity, but it is all about her enduring love for her son. Every mother for that matter is like that. Another woman in her son’s life is somehow hard digesting for a mother.

Is your mother-in-law always looking at you with the eyes that says ‘you know nothing’, ‘You are not going to win over my son’, ‘I will still do all the work’? If your mother-in-law treats you as like a grown up and if she is not protective about her son, then you will have a good time adjusting to her. But, if she doesn’t look at you with an easy going mind, you are in for a rollercoaster ride. Don’t worry, we have a few tips that can help you in the process how to handle bossy mother in lawand controlling her. So, these tips can vary from person to person. But, these are the general rules that work with all mothers, keeping the whole mom-son relationship in mind.

Top Tips on How To Handle a Bossy Mother-In-Law

1Understand before being understood

Understand before being understood

It is very important for you to understand your mother in law before you think she doesn’t understand you. Yes, it is important for you to put yourself in her shoes and find out what is missing or what the trouble is. When you do that, it gets easier for you to understand why she is feeling that way. Any mother in law for that matter will see her son’s wife as a potential threat to her relationship with him and that is why these kind of feelings blinds her. That could be one reason why she generally tries to come in between you and your partner. She is just concerned and doesn’t want to lose her son to another lady.

See here I feel that you should look at the bigger picture and be more understanding and patient when it comes to such relationships. Nobody says that it is easy to fit into the family. But it is important for you to understand that it is a two way street. Like how you are new to their family, even they are inviting a new person. So if your mother-in-law does not take the initiative to talk, there is nothing wrong for you to take the initiative. You can probably be more considerate about her feelings and then you can show her how important she isto her son, Make her feel that no one can replace her. That itself is more than enough for arguments and fights to dissolve.

2Remember that she loves her son too

she loves her son too

Most of the time you fail to understand that as much as you love your partner, your mother-in-law also has equal rights to love her son. She was the one who has taken care of him for such a long time and has raised him in this challenging world. So, when you feel that his mother is taking another step or if she’s going overboard,just understand that it’s maternal instinct and nothing else against you.

Don’t judge her and think that she’s doing it intentionally to irritate you. Probably this might sound weird, but if you were a mother you would also feel the same.

3Follow partner’s reaction for better understanding

Follow partner’s reaction

It is always easier to see how your partner feels about all the attention that he gets from his mom. If you think that he’s a mama’s boy, then probably you are in a relationship that requires for you to be a little more attentive. If your husband is like that, there is no other way than to adjust to such a situation. But if you think that your husband feels almost embarrassed at getting some attention, then you are safe. Yes, he may not show it out because he doesn’t want his mother to feel bad.

Such are the guys who actually don’t take sides on anybody when there is an argument. You don’t have to worry because he will understand both the sides and he will review both sides equally. He will definitely support you and his mom equally. But it is very important for you to keep in mind that you have to be respectful and patient with her. If everything is right from your perspective and if you are doing the right thing , then I don’t think you have to worry about anything.

[Read – How to impress your boyfriend’s Mother]

4Be assertive

Be assertive

It is fine to be assertive in a relationship where two people have differences. Well, you don’t have to necessarily fight with your mother-in-law, but if there is a fight that comes up without you being the reason, you don’t always have to just stay behind and not talk.

Don’t think that keeping quiet can make situations better. It just doesn’t make it better. You have to be assertive and it’s fine for you to talk back or confront her if there’s a problem. You should really deal with her directly,instead of telling your husband about it. It always works well if you can take care of your problems with her than bringing your husband in between and making it a mess.

5Set boundaries

Set boundaries

Setting boundaries in any relationship is actually a better way of making the relationship easier and understandable even if it is between a mother and son that have that has to be boundaries so try to set your own boundaries so that your life doesn’t have to do anything with her interfering in it.

Also know – How to impress your mother in law with your cooking skills

-Pavithra Ravi

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