Which is the better way to communicate? The answers would vary from a person to person. When the perspectives are different, the actions would differ. After all, actions are based on perspectives that are running in our minds. The toughest expression is “hidden but try to put it indirectly”. Fine, we better call it “passive aggressive”. This term is a bit strange for us, so there is a need for more explanation on this.
We find some people mysterious and their words or behaviour confuses us. Are they trying to complicate it or intentionally confusing? This is more complicated in love relationships. A person who has a quality “passive aggressive” does all this. But not to blame them as it is a natural quality.
For them confessing and facing people is tough. Be it their partner or a close friend, they still find it tough to tell of something that is running in their mind. They want answers easily and expect you to understand instead. Become a little clear of dealing with your passive aggressive partner and the rest follows. Also, remember you deal with it in a smooth way. If you are not getting an exact idea then here are a few to help you.
Signs That Say Your Partner Is Passive Aggressive
For any health problem, you find out the cause and then work with the remedy. Similarly, first, observe the signs and then try to deal with it. Know the signs of a passive aggressive partner. Then you will be able to take the right steps of sorting it.
● He plays victim card
You feel that your partner is playing the victim card? This is quite possible in a relationship. It could be a way to seek your attention or to convince you for his strong opinion or an expectation for you to compromise. When someone is trying to be a victim of your acts, it is highly confusing for you. But believe that you have a solution for every problem.
● Says yes even when it’s a “no”
Every no is actually not a “no” and even yes is not a “yes”. The real feelings and answers are not to come out easily from passive aggressive people. One straight answer is not the real one from them. It would be something else but they would say something else.
● Silence is the answer
When silence is the only answer, you must definitely learn to deal with it. Even though knowing it you are looking for a clear answer, your partner would break the silence. This is the favourite thing for passive aggressiveness. Maybe they want you to accept their opinions and just agree to their conditions. I wouldn’t mind saying it as an idea of provoking you. Maybe he wants to provoke and make it an issue. But again he doesn’t want to be in your bad records. He wants to maintain his good image and let you shout or yell.
But why this all rather than asking a simple question or to seek attention. Maybe at that point or always, he wants to dominate you but with kindness only!
● Delays the conversation
Why is this? We all want to get answers and explanations then and there. Delaying the discussions is nothing but complicating it more. It has become a conflict that is unpredictable. They don’t dare to tell their weird, silly, and frank opinions out. The fear of not accepting is higher than facing it. So, the only way for them to get off it is, delaying the conversation.
● He says you ignore him
Does he always say you ignore him? But identify the difference between saying and feeling. Is he just saying or feeling to?
If he plays it smart, saying you ignore him even before you start ignoring him, then he is passive aggressive. He is preparing you not to ignore him. A person who is not passive aggressive, would ask not to ignore him instead of saying you are ignoring him. Now you know the difference here. I don’t want to show his insecurities to you. He has a fear inside but wants to create fear in you. Need I be much clearer than this?
● Over understanding
Oh! This is dangerous as the come back of anger is horrifying. When your partner is understanding you overly like never before then he is trying to suppress his actual feelings. It could be your mistake at the moment but he still behaves sweet.
The bottled up anger comes back the way you don’t imagine. And don’t think you will see this reaction some time later. It takes a few hours or a day on the same point.
Ways To Deal With Passive Aggressive Partners
1. Confess your observation- You can’t repeat his mistake
Do you think, behaving similarly can solve the problem? I don’t think so. If you are seeing any of the above signs of passive aggressiveness, then let him know about your observation. Also, let him know what it does to your relationship. It is better to not tolerate these things in a relationship.
Choose a fine situation or a day and explain to him, why it is unfair to be passive aggressive. Also, you get your confirmation about his feelings and you will not be future guilt of assuming things.
2. Ask more questions- Extract the inside stuck feelings
As I told before, the answers you are expecting don’t come that easily from your partner as he is passive aggressive. He prefers to maintain the secrets for a while and waits for you to understand by yourself. He feels secure when you make more attempts to understand him. I know it takes a lot of patience to always understand someone. But your ignorance or arrogance is not the way you deal with a person with this particular quality.
You will have more clarification on this in further points. Then you will know why you need to ask more questions.
3. Don’t react harsh- Hold on and talk
Do you just want to hurt or hurt him? I don’t think it is your aim to end up painful for both of you. If you want to understand and sort it out, then being rude is not the right at all. Passive aggressiveness is a natural quality in some people, as we said before as well. So, you can’t expect them to be clear in the first attempt.
So, you need to wait for him to understand and try it first. If you start being harsh, then remember you are also ending a chance to understand each other. Harshness takes over your point somewhere it becomes a ridiculous argument. So, be polite, act mature, and deal with your partner.
4. Know his problem- Cause behind the behaviour
If you assume your partner is a passive aggressive person that is still fine. But don’t end up with assumptions which will be a new conflict or you will hurt him or yourself as a result. Also, all passive aggressive people are not with bad intentions. It could be his nature or a problem that he is going through. Take it as a phase in your relationship.
5. Talk more about openness in relationship
Openness is a great habit for healthy relationships. When you both are open and become comfortable with each other, you don’t have to be fake or keep secrets. You will start preferring to be open than keeping your feelings to yourself. But again this is not an easy thing for everyone.
If you are open, then I appreciate you. The thing is you should also expect your husband also to be the same. Bring his thoughts out and understand his feelings. Also, talk about the importance of openness in relationships.
6. Sometimes patience can only help
Yes! I repeat, patience is important as it is the only thing to help you out. When you find your partner is behaving passive and insider, this may irate you to the next level. But you must hold with patience as you need to understand him well.
Another reason to ask you to be patient is, it’s not his mistake all the time. It could be your mistake or just a behaviour that is bound to circumstances. Better understanding comes with more patience. Hope now you realize the importance of patience in relationships though it is tough.
7. Wait for him to come up- Let him initiate the conversations
Don’t initiate the conversations all the time. Let him take a chance or let him come down to you. You must also know how much he values you. Love doesn’t need respect or self respect? You must never think so. Respect is over love.
It doesn’t mean the ones who initiate the conversations only have respect for their partner. But both must have respect and make equal efforts to hold and lead the relationship. So, it is quite fair expecting him to come back or initiate conversations.
8. Test his ego-You need to know
This is very rude to say but really a needed test for knowing if your partner is passive aggressive. According to me, testing for good is not that bad. You want to understand your partner silently and smartly.
He is an egoistic person, then passive aggressive is a quality that you must be ready to tackle. Then you will also be able to decide whether to continue the relationship. Or it helps you deal with it in a better way.
9. Both practice for a change- Grow better together
After talking, you would come up with reasons and problems. After coming to any conclusion you are not done with it. You need to practice together to not repeat or face the problem again. If you let it be, then you will become a non stop cycle of conflicts and discussion. And in a relationship a change is not just to practice for one of them. It must be a mutual effort of understanding, bringing a change.
10. Remind the real him-Not lose himself or the relationship
First you must see if his behaviour has changed or he is the same. If you feel passive aggressive is the new side of him, then you need to remind him of his real side.
Let him know, it’s not him. And also let him know not to lose himself. If it is facing tough times and change of behaviour is a result of stress, he needs you the most. Don’t let him stress more with your ignorance or anger.
You both need to spend time to remind him what he was. Your togetherness can help him come out of the difficulties he is facing. I also would like to tell you, distance can worsen the relationship. Until you know the actual problem, there is no need for distance.
11. Talk about the relationship values- Keeping secrets is not one
There are several values to stay up with for a successful relationship. And one of them is not to keep secrets. Engaging in normal life, over the years couples forget the relationship values.
Also, go on the other path which is wrong. So, remembering the values and talking about them is very crucial.
In a relationship, you do the best when you continue to do what you started with. Respect for each other, sharing and standing for each other were your values, then remember all those and talk about it.
12. Encourage him to talk more- Let the insecurities go
The common problem of passive aggressive people is they are insecure. The insecurities overtake their nature and make them behave this way. So you need to let him talk and lend your ears to his talks. As your partner needs you guidance, be the guide.
Out of a good conversation, you both will become comfortable. If he is encouraged to talk his heart out, he will let you know his expectations from you. He will be clear about what is needed and what he is looking for. Not only listening but also understanding and addressing his opinions then and there. You must not delay the conversation as it is to come to a point of understanding for better.
Every passive aggressive partner needs a partner who can understand. If it is the purpose of behaviour, then don’t tolerate and make it clear. If they are suffering inside to tell out, then make it easy for them. Anyways, you have the signs and ways to deal with a passive aggressive partner. Hope it will become easy for you to sort it out with these relationship tips.