If you already are dating a man who has kids or a kid, then there are certain rules that you would have to follow before you get emotionally attached to the guy. Well, there is a piece with you that hates the baggage part and that is something that you have to willfully accept it and move on. Firstly, you should know that no matter what, his kids come are something that you can’t get rid off. So, if you are trying too hard to think of getting rid of the kid that is not going to happen at all. Kids are always kids and they will stay the man’s priority. This is the same if even you have kids. Well, but if you are single and you are dating a man with kids, then here are something’s you should know.
Some Important Things You Should Know When You Date a Man With Kids
1You will never be the first choice
This is something that you just have to accept even before you start dating the guy. You can’t try to separate the child and the father. For him, his kids will be the top and first choice. Only after that, would he care about you. But, well let me tell you that, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you. It just simply means that he cares a tad more for his kids than anything else. He puts you on the second line because he is a family man. Well, the problem occurs when you are dating a man who doesn’t care much for his children. That is when you have to start getting worried about because he isn’t focusing on his priorities, but is just having momentary enjoyment with you.
A man with dignity and a father will never put his kids behind your relationship. He wouldn’t mind being open to his kids about you, who by the way is not their mommy! So, accept this first fact about dating a man with kids.
Here are some things guys want you to know
2Play nice around his ex wife
The downfall to dating a man who is already married is that the big baggage that comes behind him. Yes, his ex wife is definitely a baggage that you can’t get rid off too. Well, even though she is an ex, she will act like she owns the man. You can’t win with her in terms of loving the kids more, loving the man more or by seeking more attention from your guy. Because none of this will shake her from showing rude comments or attitude! You would have to deal with her, no matter what! Let her brag about her kids with you or let her act like she owns the house, your job is to make sure there is no dirt on you. So, always play safe and put up a smile, no matter how annoying it gets.
As long as you are the new one in the house, you can’t speak or say anything against the kids or the wife yet. You can maybe do all the wife bitching once you are married to the guy. But for starters, just play nice and soft and make sure he sees that you are not the rude one.
3Trying hard won’t work
If you try to try hard in the relationship with kids, it isn’t going to work so much. The kids are always going to see you as the one who took away their daddy. According to them, you are the one who has divided their daddy’s attention from them. So, trying too hard with the kids isn’t going to work for you. Kids are kids, so the obvious comparison game will happen. They will start comparing you with their mom, they will think of all possible ways to get rid of you, they will false complain about you to their father. The problem for you is that, they can be as horrible as they can with you and all you have to do is just to be patient to build the trust with them. Until you have the relationship built, you don’t really have a say in their behavior or their attitude towards you. Just be cool with them and let it go.
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4Last minute changes
Dating a man with kids may be a hard thing for you because there may be chances where your guy may cancel a plan because of his child’s school appointments, or maybe the child fell sick. There are many reasons why the date could get cancelled. So, you shouldn’t be upset over this. Yes, at first it would be very hurting if you had planned for a surprise date night with candle light dinner and stuff, but when it comes to kids, it is kids for the man. So, be prepared for all this drama. If you can’t handle this kind of relationship, then you shouldn’t be in one because you are creating false hope to the man. He shouldn’t be the one who takes sides when it comes to you or the kids. That is purely sad.
5You don’t have to be a babysitter
Just because you are dating a man with kids, doesn’t mean that you have to be his babysitter. If the man of your dreams takes you for a treat and for granted, then that isn’t how it is going to happen. He may want help from you which is different. Helping a man with kids and taking total care of the kids is two different things. He shouldn’t use you just because he is dating you. Remember that you are not the kid’s mom. So, maintain a distance. Yes, it is important to take care of the kids, but not at the cost of the father not caring for his own ones. This is where you draw the boundaries.
-Pavithra Ravi
