One of the best things about marriages or long term relationships is that you can be so comfortable with your partners that you can say anything to him. But ladies, just when you think you are going on the right line, you spit a little too much than necessary. Though maybe you have a very legitimate relationship, the emotions expressed may be not right during a heated argument and may affect you in the long run. It may hurt both your feelings and there are certain issues that are extremely sensitive to tell your husband.
Speaking in a kind manner is actually a skill when couples are fighting. Only few people can acquire that skill. Here are some statements that you just should avoid during a heated argument. Do you know what not to say to your significant other? If not, here are some things you should not tell your Fiance or Husband during a fight
Things You Should Not Tell Your Husband
1‘Umm.. Yes! I had an orgasm’
The word ‘ummm..’ can mean a lot of things. When it comes to a relationship, you might want to be mindful of the things you say and speak. Your partner is asking you something and you are answering it in a way that might look like you are telling the truth, but remember that by lyingyou are just pushing him further away from you. When you pretend to be enjoying sex, you may think you are sparing his feelings. But if he finds out that you are trying to do, lie for him, it only hurts him more. You can instead always express appreciation in a very subtle way when you are in the bedroom.
The best time is when you both are clothed and away from the bedroom. Talk to him and tell him what you think about the way he does it. It is simpler this way and does not hurt his feelings. May be he reassures every time because he knows that something is not quite right. By emphasizing what arouses you and what you two can do in the future, you will spare his feelings without duping him in the process.
2‘You are just like your dad’
This is a big NO-NO. You never compare the son and father duo! That just won’t suffice your goals. If you are just worried that you see a lot of similar traits of your father-in-law’s in your husband, then you have a way to put that to him. May be you are worried that his unclean habits may be one of the traits your husband picked up. This can be quite tricky to put it to him. When you are having an argument on this, next compare the father and son.
Always try to leave family out of your fights. If you involve family, your husband may not only get offended, but also feel about the fact that you are demeaning both of the men in the family. Instead, try something very convincing and in a soft tone. If you think your husband is not cleaning up his own dishes, try to tell him ‘Hun, please washes your dishes after you are done with your meal’. This way you don’t sound rude and your goals are fulfilled.
3‘You got to find a new job’
Even before you say things to your husband, you have to figure out what issues you have with a certain thing. If his job is bothering you, try to figure out why! Is it because you want him to grow career wise? Is it because he is not bringing home wealthy enough salary or do you think you have to work hard and he is just in a comfortable job and is not earning as much as you. There are certain parameters you have to consider even before trying to push him off the edge.
Men generally relate their jobs to protecting their spouse and their children. So, if you are putting a blunt statement to that, insecurities may increase. Find the right time and the right opportunity to talk about his salary and lifestyle that you want to set up for your family. If you think that he is not bringing in enough money, try to put it in a non-offensive way. The aim here is to avoid pushing him away from you. It is to bring understanding and harmony between the two of you.
4‘My mother warned me about this’
Firstly, bringing your mom into your fights is very foolish. You need to think before you lash out words to your husband. Yes, there might be some truth in what your mom told about him. She could have said that ‘he is cheap’. That doesn’t mean you go and tell him that is cheap! That doesn’t solve anything but only increases more fights and misunderstandings.
You need to be mindful of the way you open up the topic. Though most of the times, you should pay no heed to what others say, when you think your mother was right, just tell him ‘Why are you so reluctant to spend money’. This opens up conversations on money concerns and other financial adjustments you both should do together. The ultimate goal is to solve the problem and find out what’s wrong. Before you speak, hold your tongue, think and then go ahead!
5‘Watch the kids, but don’t do this.. Don’t do that’
You should understand that they are his kids too, and he knows how to handle kids. This is a classic nervous mom moment for you. Accepted that you are leaving for some work outside the city and leaving your kids with husband. That doesn’t mean you take him for granted and shout at him if he doesn’t listen. Face it that how much ever you tell the father, he will end up doing what he wants to only. Trust that he knows as well as you do how to keep a child clean, safe and fed, even if his definitions of those tasks are slightly different from your own. That said, if there are things he need to know like, how to use the stroller or what the pediatrician’s phone number is, definitely give him the rundown.
–Pavithra Ravi
