Everybody wants to be a great parent. We want to bring up our children with the most valuable ethics and Values. We want them to grown up and become Smart and confident. In the quest to teach our children the importance of being confident, sometimes we might overcompensate with giving our children complements they do not always should hear. Do you know that these compliments may end up doing more harm than good and you should stop giving these complements to your kids right away.
1. You’re so Pretty-
We already live in a world where appearance is given more than its share of value. You do not want your child to believe that. Constantly telling your daughters they are pretty is known to undermine their other important attributes like good at sports or at art etc. It makes your child believe that they won’t be loved much if they are not pretty. It also makes them lose confidence when they don’t get compliments in the later stage of life, they will spend more time trying to look nice than trying to do what they do best.
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2. You’re so smart-
Giving your child continuous compliments like “You’re So Smart” Can make them believe they are born with a certain level of smartness and they fail to associate it with hard work. In a later part of schooling years, when they encounter problems in some subject they will think that there are not smart enough to understand that subject rather than working hard to understand and polish their knowledge. Instead voluntarily try to teach them how their efforts translate into good results. Like saying I’m proud of you for working so hard on that English paper. It will make them believe in achieving targets.
3. Good Girl/Boy-
Studies have shown that constantly reinforcing a child with words like You’re a good Girl, Or good Boy makes them become completely invested in maintaining that title in front of you. Sometimes, when a child feels he has not performed well or done something which is not good, he may end up lying and fooling you to live up to that image. It creates a sense of hiding their true self and be perfect before you. And trust us, you definitely don’t want that. This is one of the biggest examples of complements you should stop giving your kids.
4. Great Job-
One of the most common assurances we give our children since childhood is “Great Job!”. While the innocent praise which initially started as a way to encourage your child has now become a part of your vocab. Your innocent complement may make your child dependent on seeking approval from everyone in his older years. Also, continuously praising your child for a job well done will make the complement mean much less eventually. Instead of using this complement, always say something more situation relevant, something that would mean to him, something more relatable.
5. You’re the Best-
Often used by parents to reinforce confidence in children, this complement can end up really creating a deeper impact on your child. The child will grow up thinking he has to live up to certain standards and keep pressurizing himself into achieving unrealistic goals. Instead of making him feel invincible choose to congratulate him for smaller victories along with reference to his hard work. Set achievable goals and always appreciate their best performance, rather than comparing or distancing him from others.
6. An insincere complement-
A child can very easily understand when a parent or elder gives them an insincere complement. Even though we as parents, tend to use complements to build up esteem and confidence of children it should really not be resorted to as it can give a bad example to your child. For example- If you child forgot half his dialogues in the play and ended up missing most of it and you still go ahead and say great job, there are going to get the idea that they can do anything insincerely over time. Instead of praise them for being brave enough to perform and next time you will be even better. Something which will make them understand what we value more.