The most difficult part of parenting arrives when siblings fight, howl and hate each other. It is one thing to make them understand that they both are your children and another thing to give importance to each one independently. Parenting siblings aren’t a piece of cake. The role played by the mother is harder than that of the father, because the children run to their mothers first. Not only does it add stress to the parents, but also makes the parents feel incompetent of their parenting abilities. Parents are distressed and more often they regret for being the reason for the fight. Parenting pressures go on to various levels and sibling rivalry is always a huge problem. It leads them into worrying about the underlying cause of anger and aggression and about the lasting effects that such rivalry will have on their children in adulthood.
End of the day, they are children and for them to understand that it is just her/his sister/brother takes a lot of time and mediator. A mother can always play a vital role in making the children love each other. The children have no intensions of hating each other. It is just the feeling that crops up when they fight. You can make your children love each other and keep them as friends forever. How? Here’s how.
Ways To Help Your Children Love Each Other
1Love each one equally
One major issue every child complains or gets depressed is when a mother doesn’t show enough love as she shows the other one. As a mother, be a shoulder to both the kids. Take personal space with each other. It is not always when both the children come crying to you. If one complains about the other, never try to hit or scold the other which will lead to more hatred between the two. Try and make both the children understand that both are right or wrong. It depends on the situation and the intensity of the problem. This way the children will know that both are equal. When you have alone time with each of them, tell them that the problem is silly and that they should try to deal it with love and not hate each other. This will make children learn more about their sibling relationship.
2Never compare the kids
This is another important point that depends on your actions and reactions as a mother. Never ever compare kids how much ever serious the issue gets. This is one mistake every parent generally tend to do. From a child’s point of view, you will be her/his ultimate answer to everything and if you end up comparing the other child, the hatred between them increases leaving all the happy memories they shared together behind. So a parent should remember not to compare kids. Making kids understand their mistakes brings harmony.
3Keep kids occupied
It is best to keep kids occupied before any fight erupts. It is safe for both the kids and the parents. Give them enough attention or make them play together under your nose. Make sure you involve them both together and play a new game that both aren’t aware of. Think of new ideas or tell them a story. It is easy to change their minds and divert them. Once you divert them it is trouble-free.
4Keep hungry/tired kids away from each other
A wise mother works her ways with a touch of magic. It is easy to stop fighting when you know it is going to erupt. A hungry kid never wants a company of another. When both the kids are tired, feed both of them and give them a bed or if you are out, give them a reward to keep themselves busy or tell them that they will get a chocolate or two if they mind their work.
Explain to them how it is wrong to hate each other, hit or fight or pass any kind of sarcastic comments at each other. When such problems come up remind them that your family does not allow such immature behavior, and that your family traditions are different. Try having a small list that talks about various things that are not allowed in the family. This will keep them cautious and alerted about the misbehaving.
It is good to reconcile things between siblings. They may fight and never want to talk to each other, but it is your responsibility as a mother to patch things up between them. Make the offender apologize in a very sweet way by making each other hug or by giving chocolates. This way the offender himself/herself feels the need to not offend any more. This makes it easier and brings harmony between them. To really help your kids feel the love, let them fill in some questionnaires you prepare that describes about each other.
Yes! You are reading it right. Lie! It is fine to lie to your kids about the other one. You can always say good things like ‘Your brother really loves you so much’ ‘Your sister has been watching your back since long’. This helps them believe that the small things are true. Do it to both the kids and see how it works as a magic. Also, encourage your children to pray for each other. If you pray as a family, it’s even better. Every child feels special when they hear someone praying for them.
8Think before you intervene
If you have teenagers in your home and they are fighting, howling and making hell lot of noise, it is fine to watch. Think twice before you intervene into their problems and say ‘Just stop it’! It doesn’t change anything. As parents, you need to know that it might not turn out to be a great idea to get in between their fight since it may make it worse than before. Once kids reach adolescence, however, it is best to let kids work arguments out themselves.
Do your kids get along really well? Or not? Tell us why they do/do not get along and what you do to stop them!